Dreaming it's all a dream

 
     I have yet to determine whether the sunsets have become more beautiful or if I never took the time to acknowledge them. Either way, they are absolutely breathtaking. I try my best to watch the sun disappear into the city each night. Its something about the energy in the sky and those fascinating colors swirling into one another, that grabs my attention. The sunsets are dreamy.
     Every now and again, I get myself caught up in my own dreams. I used to get caught up in dreams about my future career, husband, car, home, family, and even my own business. Now, I find myself wondering if all of this is a dream? Maybe I am going to wake up and my life is going to be just the way it was a year ago. I would be traveling down the right path and achieving great things. My relationship would still be healthy, my focus in school would be where it needed to be, I would have a job that supported me comfortably, I could come and go as I please, and I could be myself again. Unfortunately, that is not the case, I'm not dreaming, and this is my reality.
     Some days things flow so smoothly, that I forget. I forget I'm being punished by the courts and I have two devices strapped to my ankle like an animal. I only forget for a few minutes or so, but sometimes that is all I need. Luckily, I figured out early in the game there are two ways to go about my new lifestyle, I can pity myself and think of all the things I would have done differently or I can accept that this is how things are going to be and I can only move forward from here.
   Some days the first option sounds more favorable and I usually spend those days sleeping and indulging in too much junk food. I enjoy sleeping on rough days because it is the only time my imagination is able to flutter. I've had a few nightmares here and there, but for the most part they are pleasant dreams. I think that's a good sign. My dreams still have their freedom and they are free to venture wherever they want.
    One of my best qualities is I am able to adjust to just about any circumstance, this being one of them. As I mentioned before, sometimes I forget I'm on house arrest. It just seems normal, I've grown accustomed to how things are. I go where I need to and then I come home. I do not even entertain the idea of checking out the latest movies or dining out with a friend. It is not going to happen any time soon and the more I think about it, the more upset I am going to be. I've been forced to learn this is the way things are and it is beyond my control. Things could always be worse and I have to remember that. I should be thankful I have a home, I'd much rather be on house arrest than be homeless.
     If you're on house arrest or wearing a Scram bracelet, hang in there! You're going to have good days, bad days, and so-so days. I'm learning it all has to do with our perception. If you're able to alter your perception you will be just fine. I thank God each and every day for the strength he has given me. Sometimes we just have to work with what we've got.


Sincerely,


Allison

"Bloom where you're planted" - Mary Engelbreit